Back to Reality

There were moments in Bali when I would wake up with a feeling of great foreboding and then realize that my thoughts had wandered back to the classroom and I was dreading going back to what I was now remembering as time spent completely out of my element, in front of a group of 38 noisy students, shouting in vain that "I could be home watching TV" in an attempt to explain to them that they should treat me with a little more respect. I was proud of my successful attempts to banish these thoughts of the future and concentrate on the present, whether it was laying on a lounge chair listening to the sounds of the ocean, or riding on the back of a motorbike through countryside so picturesque I was tempted to stop every 10 feet to admire the scene.

So upon my return, I had resolved to turn in the one month notice required in my contract, allowing UNESCO to find another teacher to take over my classes. I felt a little guilt, but my guilt was overpowered by my desire to wake up in the morning and be happy to be alive instead of filled with dread about my upcoming day.

To my surprise, on Monday morning my first classes were attentive and enjoyable. As were my second. Writing them off as a fluke, I sent my email of resignation, although with slightly more guilt than confidence in my decision. My afternoon classes were fine as well and I left the school wondering if I couldn't just make this work.

On Tuesday, I received a reply to my email asking that I come into the office on Wednesday to discuss my decision - although now I was not so sure just what my decision was. My classes that day went well and I caught myself looking at some of the students I had come to like and feeling bad that I would not be seeing them much longer. I figured that Wednesday would harden my resolve as the kids in the second campus were notoriously misbehaved.

Wednesday morning came and my raucous students had been miraculously replaced with a classroom full of angels. What was going on? Who were these kids?!

I joined my fellow teachers for a glass of nuoc mia (fresh sugarcane juice with lime) and thought about how much I enjoyed their company and wrestled mentally with my decision even as they assured me that I needed to think of myself and that life was too short to be miserable at work.

The song that had pulled us back into the bar in the early hours of New Year's day began running through my head as I thought back to my days with nothing to fill my hours and classrooms full of rowdy students. "Should I stay or should I go now..."